year in review, 2015

It has been a while since I wrote a year-in-review post--over three years, in fact. It may seem inapposite to post a year-in-review rather than three-years-in-review, but because, in the terms of the CFA-CSU Collective Bargaining Agreement, a three-year review is pursuant to the re-hiring of us long-time temporary faculty, the idea makes me anxious.

With that preface, my year in review, 2015.

Much as in recent years past, I confined the bulk of my activities to teaching, reading, writing, cycling, having debilitating vertigo attacks, faculty labor activism, guitar playing, and cooking. You will notice the conspicuous absence of larceny on that list. 

I would like to say that I feel as if I accomplished many great things in 2015. I suppose many others would also like that, about themselves. But how many of us can say this in good faith? And how many others who do say it are in actual fact university administrators instead? 

I tried burning the candle at both ends, and realized that whoever coined this expression must not have been using jar candles. I tried going the extra mile, but the result of that was that I had to return from that extra mile, because I had overshot the campus by approximately one mile. I attempted to give 110%, only to find that I had a 10% deficit. Since then, I have decided to just do it. When I discover what it is, and how to do it, I will update my progress. 

We continue to live with three cats, despite their efforts. This year, Alexander had surgery to remove a foreign body from his gut. Last year it was Valentine, so presumably this coming year it will be Arthur. On the other hand, perhaps it will be me, even though I am still not a cat, despite my efforts.

resolutions in the form of a resolution

RESOLVED: That New Year's resolutions are basically worthless.

RESOLVED: That forming new resolutions does nothing but perpetuate the absurd cultural trope that we can, in fact, change who we are overnight, as though having thrown a switch.

RESOLVED: That the tradition of New Year's resolutions does no one any good.

RESOLVED: That I should be more patient and kinder in the New Year.

RESOLVED: Oh, and floss more diligently.

RESOLVED: And stop punting puppies.

RESOLVED: And quit doing that other thing.

RATIONALE: It's the friggin' New Year. Evidently, this requires us to make resolutions we either won't keep or have no intention of keeping, and also to drink fizzy liquids, preferably with alcohol in them. Who am I to judge?

2012: year in review in review

I've stumbled onto a handful of year-in-review stories published by major nooz media, as probably most of those stumbling here have done.

The LA Times published top ten lists (how extremely creative and unique!) of what we'll miss and what we won't miss from 2012. Genius!

National Public Radio spent listener contributions on reviews of the year in politics, music, and Twitter--in order to prove NPR has cultural cachet.

The New York Times presented 2012 in pictures, without a hint of irony.

I've said it before, and I'll repeat it here. What these all have in common is that they mean reporters don't have to report news during the end of December. This year, they are also benefitted from the actual events, in that right now a nooz story can be generated by an old BASIC program randomizing the words shooting, fiscal cliff, and drone attack. In other words, not much has happened this year.

Tuesday morning we start the whole damn thing all over again. Stupid Mayans!

2012: the year in food

Sometimes, I cook. I cooked a few things this year.

I planned, and cooked a portion of, the big birthday bash/debacle/party, including beef Wellington, yet another sorbet, and the main course that roused an ovation--halved cornish hens roasted atop potatoes, carrots, and all kindsa other stuff. That was a weird event, because I had a panic attack halfway through preparation on the day, and felt sick through much of the night. My Loveliest got me through it, as she has most of this year, and our diners did their best to muddle through all of the obstacles. Really, who serves beef Wellington as a mere entrée?

I made an old stand-by for the first time in a while: prosciutto-stuffed chicken breasts. This time, with sides of Swiss chard and potatoes with additional prosciutto, cuz why not?

Butternut squash ravioli with sage butter sauce? Check. With local squash and sage from the back yard. (We don't churn our own butter. Yet.)

How about fusilli buco with shrimp and vodka sauce? Yip. This whole vodka sauce thing is a figment of American "Italian" food, but what the hell, it's tasty. (It wasn't really vodka sauce, but I faked it with lemon juice. We don't make our own vodka. Yet.) It's especially satisfying to make it from homemade tomato sauce. Fusilli buco is my favorite pasta.

Another thing to make with homemade tomato sauce is a meatloaf sandwich, in particular, if yer meatloaf, like mine, is made from ground pork, lamb, and beef, and spiked with cumin. Slice o' that, tomato sauce, mozzarella, melted in the oven, perfect. I recommend this heartily to people who eat animal flesh.

Iffen you don't, then, how about the notorious gorgonzola sauce pizza? Made about a dozen of them this year, typically with diced tomatoes, chopped kalamata olives, and a little chopped scallion (chopped artichoke hearts are strongly recommended). If you happen to be Xina or Che, and you happen to be reading this, and you happen to be wondering about New Year's Eve, you would be well advised to prepare for this pizza.

I already have plans for an Epiphany supper early this January. It'll be mind-expanding.

2012: three differing views

Like any good parents, we would invade our children's privacy by reading their email, Facebook pages, and of course their diaries. Since we don't have human children, we practice our good parenting on the cats, with the help of cross-species linguists from Stanford whom we pay exorbitant sums. (It's worth it, and you'd know that if you were good enough cat parents to be suspicious enough to need to know what terrible things your cats did or were planning to do, so that you could steer them onto the path of righteousness. I digress.)

Like most Year in Review nonsense, this will focus on major events in 2012. For cats, these "events" break down into two fundamentally paradoxical categories: (1) immediate, urgent, random events of [a] noise, [b] lack of food, [c] lack of humans, [d] appearances of UFOs (unidentified feathered objects), or [e] things that need to be stalked and potentially started at; and (2) home invasions. We shall focus only on (1)[c] and (2).

Since we have invaded all three kitties' privacies, we'll be able to review the year's events from each document.

EVENT: A WEEK-LONG TRIP BACK EAST.

We intended to go to a conference in Canada in June, but my passport had run out. Nonetheless, we took a trip back East, visited friends and family, so the plane ticket didn't go to waste.

From Valentine's diary, Les passions de Valentin

They've left - Earlobe and Food. It's been -- it's been some time. I'm left with no choice now but to climb to the highest heights in search of something -- anything -- to eat! My great friends and I have already consumed every bit of food, and every gram of catnip, we could find. We are all out of our minds now, we the beautiful, we for whom there are no rules, no laws, no commandments! Now, what care have we for Food, or for Earlobe?! We are free! Come, brothers! There's catnip in the cupboard for us all!! Or maybe in the laundry!! It could be in the stuff in the triangle room!!!

My mind is reeling, my soul is afire!

From Arthur's Diary, Letter to his Father

I'm sure you believe this is some discipline to improve the condition of my soul. My soul! As though you cared for my soul at all, and not for your beloved discipline. And this is what the whole affair comes down to, does it not? With the cruelty only the devout can conjure, to treat their own, their flesh and blood, as sacrifices to an Order, a Matter, an Eternal, you abandon me to live among these wretches, and will refuse even the merest request for an allowance to find more suitable accommodations. HSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

From Alexander's diary, Scientifical Works

Those we call "the humans" have been away now for -- a time. (If only we had more reliable chronological instruments!) Valentine and Arthur have taken two distinct approaches in their response to these new stimuli. In my observation, while both of them seem to achieve equivalent results, their behavior diverges markedly. I took samples from each of the subjects after -- a time, and another time, and sometime after that. My results have been inconclusive. More trials are necessary, no doubt, but I believe there must be some connection between the absence of the tall, awkward, bald cats and the rest of us. In particular, Arthur's behavior has been altered, and aside from the sample I've taken, he has refused my repeated requests for a simple physical examination.

Oh, no, where's my daddy? where's mommy? where's mommy? (my other mommy?)

I have to keep myself together, maintain my objectivity.

Are they home yet? Brreoowww?? (I've trained them to respond to this for the desired result.)

EVENT: HOME INVASION

Just before Thanksgiving, a shih-tzu showed up in the neighborhood, in the rather chilly November night. It was just before we planned to leave, and we had no option but to bring the dog in for a night, and another night on the other end of the trip. 

From Arthur's diary, Letter to his Father

Of course, you would bring in a stranger, treat him like royalty, appease him and give in to his every whim, before considering my own comfort, or even my future. This beast -- "animal" is too good for him -- you place above me in your moral hierarchy. I see what you mean, I must be a lowly and terrible thing, as you confirm for me every -- in every interval of time that I recognize. The stench of the thing! The horrible noise it makes! This is not even a beast, it is a creature of the lowest bowels of the earth, and you, yes, you, father, you bring this terrible thing before me, to what end? To prove to me again my inferiority, my unworthiness? Do I need yet another proof? It stinks. Is that the point? HSSSSSSS!!!!!!

From Alexander's diary, Scientifical Works

Those we call "the humans" have today apparently captured some poor creature and trapped it here in our manse. It seems to amuse them.

It is a pitiful thing, incapable of any form of intelligent behavior, and makes a repeated chirping sound, as if trying to mimic a bird and thus get my attention as a gentleman and hunter, rather than a scientist. It scurries without direction or purpose, and is obviously one of the lowliest and most worthless things in the world. Still, I approach with caution, for the sake of my own safety, but moreover, so that I do not interfere in this sad relic's progenitive destiny -- no doubt, to succumb to a superior species.

The whole incident gives one pause. Though clearly the entirety of creation exists for the sake of the advancement of our command of all in nature, the wastage of such as this debilitated unfortunate seems a heavy price to pay for our knowledge, our culture, and the rightful place of felinity.

Plus, daddy loves me. Mommy too. And mommy.

From Valentine's diary, Les passions de Valentin

He's there! I can smell his foul presence! Vile, despicable, hideous presence!

I would challenge this -- thing -- to a duel, but it is unworthy of my challenge, unworthy to exist, unworthy to breathe!

For no reason but to affirm the right of we who know how to breathe, who know how to eat, who know how to climb, and leap, and live -- for we, we few who are truly alive! For we, I smite thee! I smite thee!!

He's still there! I smell him! Horrid, repulsive, repugnant detritus and stain upon the world of brilliance and life!!

No, he's still there! Don't tell me he's not! EARLOBE! FOOD! Get him out!! Oust the blackguard!

Still here! I must have catnip. I will never make it through the night without --

HE'S STILL HERE!! HE'S BEHIND THE DOOR!!

2012 in review: the 10 most

Another cheap trick of lazy media hucksters is the top 10 lists for a year: 10 Most Influential Bunnies of the Year, 10 Most Underreported News Stories of the Year, 10 Most Exciting Youtube Videos of People Flossing, 10 Best Looking Pasta Dishes, 10 Indispensable Teabag Tag Wise Sayings, whateverthehell. A main problem with such lists (aside from the minor ethical problem that, instead of doing their jobs, said media hucksters are yanking our chains), is that they get tedious, because each list is so exclusive and limited.

The great advantage of my 10 Most of 2012 is, thus, that it does not specify of what it is a list of the 10 Most. My list will also direct our attention to the capriciousness of similar lists. Like the media whores, I will begin with #10 (that's number 10, not hashtag 10, whippersnappers).

10. Most Drug Interactions. I got back on Wellbutrin in January, and as a result I've just about given up The Demon Bean. Caffeine and Wellbutrin do weird things to my brain chemistry. Caffeine, alcohol, and Wellbutrin do even weirder things to my brain chemistry. We're pretty sure brain chemistry contributed to the series of panic attacks I've had this year, but things are settling. Could been way, way worse.

9. Most Rain. It has been about the rainiest early winter I've seen out here, which bodes well for our having water next summer. The rain washes all the chemical fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides that major agribiz dumps all over the Central Valley, into the aquifers that are tapped for our increasingly allegedly potable water. The Turlock Irrigation District's annual water quality report detailed high, but legal, quantities of arsenic and various pathogens. Coulda been way, way worse.

8. Most The Tour de Turlock. I've never been so popular on Facebook. I have kept up a log of all the streets I've ridden my bicycle the length of. It's over 800, and I still have about 20% of the city to go, including some very unpleasant industrial tracts and some very undesirable residential tracts. Fully half of Turlock's streets are barely passable on bike. And the last time I was out on tour I thought I might get mugged. Coulda been way, way worse.

7. Most Flying Kittois Brothers and Valentine. Alexander the Great and Arthur, King of the Kittons, might be adjusting to Valentine's presence. I think they're suspicious of him because he hasn't a last name. Arthur continues to freak out and hiss at everything in the world from time to time--which he never did before Valentino's arrival. Then they all lie on top of us on the sofa at night in a pile. Coulda been way, way worse.

6. Most New Collective Bargaining Agreement. After a massive organizing effort, an overwhelming strike authorization vote, the usual failed negotiations, the CSU administration and the CFA agreed to a new contract. This contract is a win for faculty, even though it provides no raises for faculty for yet another two years (by my count, that'll make six years, the last four of which also included no cost-of-living adjustments, because alone among California state agencies, the CSU charges these as a real cost, despite repeated failures to pass the laugh test on this point with fact-finders). Coulda been way, way worse.

5. Most Not Going to Canada, After All. Packing the day before flying out to Detroit for the annual Canadian Smarties Confab, I realized my passport was expired. We decided that the risk of my not being able to return to the US was worth not going to Canada. We visited our pals Sharon and Dave, then my parents, and I was able to present a commentary on a paper about intrusive technology via Skype. Coulda been way, way worse.

4. Most Alleged Election. I don't do electoral politics stuff as a rule, and I never do the door-to-door stuff. Partly that's a social anxiety thing, but I also don't know how convincing a long-haired bearded atheist intellectual would be. We did our part calling folks to get them to vote for Proposition 30, against Prop. 32. We won on both counts. Coulda been way, way worse.

3. Most Strange Publication. I had put together a long, bizarre essay on phenomenology, fetishism, and embodiment, in a fit of pique against somewhat eminent French philosopher Michel Henry, in August of 2011. I found a random opportunity to submit that, in expurgated form, as an article for a peer-reviewed academic journal, something I hadn't done in about 10 years, for reasons many people should know. They accepted it, to my great surprise, since the article is an absolute scandal.  Coulda been way, way worse.

2. Most Gigs. We actually played actual music in front of actual people in actual public, twice. We're incredibly stage-frightful. I lost it completely on a song I know at the start of the second gig, abandoned the song, but basically recovered--although we haven't been invited back. Coulda been way, way worse.

1. Most Classes. It's all a blur. I've never taught ten classes in a calendar year before. It made me feel like I couldn't and didn't give any class the amount of energy I wanted to. Somehow, I made it. I still haven't been fired. I never said "fuck" in class, excessively. Only a scant few of my students are receiving treatment. Coulda been way, way worse.

2012: end of the end of the world in review

No matter what happens to the world today, I think all would agree that it's been a rough year for predictors of doom. One could explain all the technical errors that led to mistaken pronouncements of imminent doom, like that preacher dude from early this year I can't be bothered to look up just now. Like him, one could parse and subdivide and render each grave error innocent.

I would suggest a simpler approach, having more to do with observable astronomical and physical phenomena than with speculative numerology.* For instance, it's possible that the sun will start to become a red dwarf, and eventually suck up the earth, in around 7.6 billion years. To borrow the latest world-not-ending-after-all joke, I think that means it's safe to do your Christmas shopping.

What's really bizarre about all this is that, when I was growing up, it felt like there was a real possibility of the world ending--the human world, at least. I'm not certain, but I believe I am among the last generation in the US who had nuclear bomb drills in grade school. In retrospect, I imagine they were mandated by some profoundly ill-conceived law. From what little I know about nuclear combat, our hiding our seven-year-old heads under our desks, according to the class seating chart, would have the total effect of any survivors being better able to identify bodies. Words just cannot express how soothing that experience was for my seven-year-old sense of doom. Ronald Reagan was like that, too.

I presume there must be money in the end-of-the-world racket, although I never made any. People write and say all kinds of things for cash, and only 28% of them are pundits on TV.

Could it be, that what the Mayans and Nostradamus were really warning us about was the rise of the pundits? Is Glenn Beck the Beast mentioned in Revelation? And if only 28% of the people writing and saying all kinds of things for cash are pundits, then that has to mean 72% work in other bullshit industries. Maybe "lake of fire" was a metaphor!

Book it. The world will end today, the result of drowning in punditry, damn punditry, and statistics.

--
* I was so tempted to impute to Luce Irigaray having written a book called The Speculative Numerology of the Other Woman, but cooler heads prevailed. That's one of those deeply multilayered jokes that either precedes a spit take or does nothing whatsoever, and at this late date, I can't afford to risk it. Though I certainly agree with Steve Martin that comedy isn't pretty, sometimes the key is to know when to say no, or perhaps listen to other people who are telling you no.

2012 -- the year I forgot how to sleep

We went to bed at a perfectly normal time. I was extremely sleepy. I fell asleep. I then woke up at four AM, feeling a little sick, and somewhat anxious. I must have woken up my Loveliest as well, and we talked a bit about my condition lately.

I had seen my psychiatrist earlier in the afternoon, and that, I believe, got me thinking further about how I'm doing. I came to the conclusion I had fabricated answers on the little depression/anxiety inventory they give me every visit. What I said was that I had lied on the item about having normal interest in enjoyable activities. We talked about what we could do to help me with that. Lauren suggested that I email my psychiatrist to tell her that I retrospectively wanted to change my answer. I felt guilty about it, and not being diligent with my homework. But I also believe that the stress of the semester (including events like the election) has broken me down. I felt guilty about that, then noted that it's ridiculous, because everyone gets broken down by the semester.

I proceeded not to sleep for another hour and a half. First, because I resent having to do homework, I started thinking about my general resentment of (and resistance to) medical and psychiatric surveillance. Thus, of course, I ran through an interpretation of Foucault's work on power/knowledge as a way of having us pay attention to the cost of this form of social order and civilization. Then I imagined a conversation with someone who rejects what he considers postmodern thought without clear understanding of it.

I got out of bed, walked around, sat down to read a couple pages of The Art of Happiness, and came back to bed, with my brain suddenly running through causes and instigating events of the Civil War. South Carolina's secession weighed on my mind.

I lay in bed, now trying consciously to bring about sleep, by doing what Merleau-Ponty suggested in Phenomenology of Perception: people fall asleep by imitating the behavior and situation of sleeping people. The problem then was that I couldn't figure out what people who are going to sleep think about other than causes of the Civil War.

At 5:30 I gave up and got up again. I read more of The Art of Happiness -- a book I think is an excellent choice for that trick some people do of getting up and reading for fifteen minutes when they can't sleep (ironic, isn't it?) --, glanced at a couple news items, worked a relatively unchallenging sudoku, and have been working on my sneezing.

A week ago or so, someone asked me what my plans were for the break between semesters. I think I'm going to try to learn how to sleep.

2012 -- a year in eighteen words or less

Let's see (that's two four six already!)

Not too comfy. Lacking thematic coherence, yet stressful. Didn't like it.

2012 -- a year, or just a rumor?

This is the first in what I hope will be an increasingly irritating series of year in review posts. In this post, I will suggest that 2012 did not actually happen, but was only a series of badly contrived conspiracy theories.

First of all, there was apparently some kind of "election" going on. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Secondly, according to many unreputable sources, "events" happened. Come on. Really?

Then there was that whole thing with the thing and the thing and the guy with the thing. I can hardly believe anybody believed that at all. I, for one, was never duped. I knew the thing and the guy with the thing, and the chick that had the thing over the guy that had the thing with the other thing, was all a bunch of hooey. I mean, seriously, nobody can eat that much molasses.

The world ended, repeatedly, for most of this year. And yet I'm still paying rent. Coincidence? I hardly think so!

Some say it rained. I won't honor that with a response.

Look at where you are, now, as "2012" comes to an end. Remember how you were planning to clean up that garden plot? Remember how you intended to reduce your intake of various comestibles? Remember how you vowed not to think extraordinarily discourteous thoughts about your neighbors? None of that happened. (Damn those neighbors!)

Did you lose weight? Did you make that big career move? Was the best movie of the year actually memorable? Did you finally read Ulysses? Nope.

iPad 3? Same as iPad 2. iPhone 5? Bupkis. How's Facebook treating you? Made a killing in the stock market? How about your Prius?

That's what I thought.

Truthfully, isn't it as if "2012" never happened? Isn't it obvious that this is because "2012" never did happen?

top 5 stories of 2010

This will be the last in my series emulating the banal, creepily nostalgic pop culture artifact of reviewing the past year as it reaches its end. I won't use a headline like the San Francisco Chronic did today (Explosive losses, Giant victories), because eywwh.

Instead, I'll do a reverse-order top 5 kind of list. Those are always really uninteresting, aren't they? Gee, whatever could the top 5 stories of the year 2010 be? It's just that they write up all this stuff in early December so nobody actually has to work between Christmas and New Year's. Basically, almost nothing of global import happens during that week, except the occasional bombing, or attempted bombing, or maybe an assassination plot - nothing that won't keep until Monday morning, anyway.

5. The Apocalypse

This didn't actually happen. We did drive through Bakersfield on the way to and from LA several times, but that's really only a metaphor for the Apocalypse, not the actual event. This is what I tell myself over and over whenever we drive through. It helps.

4. Avalanche buries Cow State Santa Claus

This didn't happen, either. What did happen was the ongoing unrest on campus from Fall 2009 morphed into protests against the administration on March 4 and in the summer, related to some kind of event on campus the nature of which has slipped from my memory.

The avalanche referred to here is, like Bakersfield, metaphorical. It could be an allusion to the shredded non-existent documents allegedly the private property and garbage of a university official who maintained the non-existent documents on university property but which documents, had they existed, would not be university documents. Yes, that's right, it's an avalanche of bullshit. But seriously, what other kind could possibly strike our campus, given the topography around here (to say nothing of the climate)?

3. Former college instructor arrested following crime spree

This also didn't happen, but it was a near miss. Through much of the Spring semester, it seemed 90% certain that all or most of my work in the department would be cut. The philosophy job market nationwide was practically non-existent, as well. I had one interview, that I botched, for a job at a community college in Ohio where I wouldn't have been happy.

Given my advanced educational attainment in the humanities, my career options would have been sorely limited. Other than returning to school for something else, my best bet would have been a life of crime. I used to be pretty good at stealing stuff and breaking into places.

I'm glad to be teaching ethics, instead.

2. New enlightenment flourishes in social life and politics

Now I'm just making shit up, just like the pros do it. Although, even here, there's a grain of truth, if by "enlightenment" we mean an era of shrill, screeching, pandering, fear-mongering, and slander.

1. 2011 canceled due to budget cuts

We can't be sure this won't happen until midnight tonight. Given how many state budgets are in the crapper, and how poor the economy continues to treat most of us, states like California and Arizona could try this as a way to reduce deficits, or at least shift attention away from their gross irresponsibility when it comes to dealing with fiscal realities.

On the other hand, given how well the economy treats people who still profit from it, and how much they stand to benefit from this continuing, and paupering states in the process while they collect interest, tax breaks, and public money in the form of fees paid to outsource formerly public services like education, probably 2011 won't be canceled at all, it'll just be a repeat of 2010.

I don't know about you, but I'm planning to have bubbly on hand for the countdown.

2010 - a year in words and numbers

My series of entirely useless summing-up posts continues, this time taking up these spent and emptied examples of the genre.

Apparently, the OED added 39 words in 2010, including the vomitous defriend and staycation, the oddly old-fashioned fussbudget and buzzkill, the ubiquitous exit strategy, and the rarely-useful steampunk, quantitative easing, and microblogging. One imagines the difficulty of using all of these in a single sentence, although such a sentence could be a promising entry in the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest.

Of course, my own efforts in bad writing this year were restricted to participating in National Novel Writing Month - in which I completed the 70,000-word satirical Autobiography of Biff Nerfurpleberger. The book contains approximately 4 narrative voices, the two main ones being Biff's own, and his competing autobiographer, someone called Simon Ratmason - both of whom are unreliable narrators. Biff is a bad writer because he's completely inattentive to the fact that he's writing, or, at times, what he's writing. Simon's a terrible writer in the tradition of most celebrity biographers, especially musician biographers. It was great fun to write, even the hideous parts by Simon that made me cringe, or worse. I think, if you're writing a work of fiction, and you're yelling at your narrator, you're doing some worth doing.

Some more words related to 2010 include: peanuts, yeast, turtle, frustrating, delicious, hilarious, and subjection.

And now, some numbers.

0 - the number of remaining payments on Eddie Jetta.
10 - the number of courses at my birthday dinner party.
10 - the number of people at my birthday dinner party.
2 - the number of cats currently living with us.
13.5 - the number of pounds the lighter one weighs.
1 - the number of purple-handled scissors on my desk.
1 - the number of manufacturers who still build tape decks, apparently.

Also: 37, 117, 90, 12, 64, i, 41,233, 0.02.

2010 - the year in review, in terms of threats to homeland security

The following review interprets and determines threat levels regarding the relevant ongoing concerns.

Threat #1: Job Security

Despite constant threats to Job Security during 2009 and early 2010, Employment has remained intact. Current threats to Employment include long-standing political attacks on humanities, specifically philosophy, and ongoing state budget crises, coupled with withdrawal of public support for public universities. A new three-year "temporary" appointment was obtained in August, however, continuing state budget issues and local campus fiscal irregularities create an environment in which insurgency should be anticipated.

Threat Level: Yellow ("Elevated"). California's large budget deficit will continue to threaten Job Security for at least the remainder of this three-year "temporary" appointment. In addition, bargaining between the CFA and CSU point to emergent threats.

Threat #2: Health

Local conditions have resulted in resurgence of both depression and anxiety, culminating in two adverse events during 2010. In June, an outbreak of anxiety led to a full-scale panic attack on a commercial flight bound for NYC-JFK, forestalled only through the heroic efforts of on-board civilian medical personnel. In October, a depression insurgency arose; however, counter-insurgency by NaNoWriMo forces prevented any significant gains by the enemy.

In response to the panic attack, a summer program of health review and restoration was undertaken, with positive results including a wide reduction in stress, decreasing resting heart rate, and general improvements to preparedness. The October plot was undermined successfully as well.

Ongoing local threats include Feline-centered Urinary Tract threats, as well as Loveliest-Targeted threats that have, thus far, remained impervious to intelligence efforts.

Threat Level: Yellow ("Elevated"). It remains unclear when, if, or how these enemy covert operations may be launched. Constant surveillance continues to be necessary.

Threat #3: Canadians

It remains clear, as 2010 nears its close, that the biggest single threat to local security conditions in this area is posed by Canadians. The nature and extent of the threat is considered so serious that no detail of any kind, and no vague allusion of any kind, may be provided in this report, for fear of undermining security and intelligence efforts in this area.

Threat Level: Red ("Severe").

what, no end of the year wrap-up post?

Nope.

I tried. I did a "the good, the bad, and the crap" post. The crap, of course, was mostly related to the CSU. I ditched that one.

I wrote one that was just goofy. I ditched that one.

Instead, I ended up writing a song, that I might post later. The lyrics go something like this:


It’s the end of the year
Gonna party like it’s 2009

I.

Whew! What a year!
We ate fried chicken
and drank beer and wine
like a big fried chicken party

Remember last spring?
It got all warm and sunny
birds flowers and bunnies
like spring during the early – uh – spring

II.

We played lots of games
that one with the cards
and the other one with the cards
and the one without cards

Remember last summer?
Whew! Hot! It was hot!
Too hot! And then that one day
was really really hot.

III.

Whew! What a year!
We still have all of our toes!
So that’s good! You gotta keep
track of your toes, you know.

I don’t really remember it much
to be totally honest with you
but there wasn’t a lot going on, I think,
so I don’t think I missed too much

IV.

[Solo]

Okay, time to call it a year
2009 is going away, for good
Flushed down the toilet of history
like a year or used cat litter

fear and loathing: academic year 2008-09

I'll get to the fear and loathing momentarily. For the sake of continuity, I'd like to remark on the occasion for this bit of reportage.

I think I can, at this point, declare a provisional end to the academic year. The provisions are as follows: (1) I have yet to file final grades, (2) I have a handful of papers and other assignments still pending, but mainly from students I don't expect to hear from.

I started the academic year in my usual fashion. I went to the general faculty meeting, where the campus president announced that Clearwire had given us big bucks, and the university was flush, though looking ahead to uncertain times because of the state budget deadlock (one of these assertions was true, another was more true than anyone imagined at the time, and the third was in most respects divorced from reality).

That week, I sent the academic senate my legislative agenda for the year. I don't think most of the academic senate reps do this, but I do. This year my agenda was to revise the lecturer range elevation policy, to establish a faculty award for contributions to university governance, and to broaden lecturer eligibility to serve on university committees. The range elevation issue took all year to resolve, and that fairly unfortunately because of the compromises I had to make (and even so, it hasn't been signed by the president yet). The faculty and administration approved the faculty governance award, and the committee stuff is all pending. Mixed results, after a year of struggle on all that.

By November, the budget deficit that the president announced was gone in September had somehow re-emerged. Suddenly, the jobs of dozens of faculty were at risk because of an urgent need to eliminate a $5 million deficit (or something like that - reports varied). Over a couple weeks, we activated a fierce resistance to budget cuts that would slash lecturer jobs for Spring of 2009. It looked like we won.

Meanwhile, I was handling a grievance that I ultimately lost for no good reason I can discern, and which I've since been more or less told I handled improperly - even though I followed what I thought the advice I was getting said to do.

The following month I heard from a lecturer who was having a conflict with a student, that escalated into a spurious complaint against the lecturer and an administrative investigation. The investigation turned out to be inappropriately handled, so I tried to pull in the reigns as much as I could on it, with a lot of help from my friends. The interview came and went with no real consequence, perhaps in a small way as a result of our effort. It looked like we won.

Then the budget issue came back, with a vengeance. All Spring I was embroiled in the effort to organize and strategize resistance. The end result was that the full force of the cuts is going to be realized anyway. The lecturer we helped is likely to be out of work next year.

As that was coming to its hideous fruition, my students were starting to submit final papers and projects. Normally this is a somewhat painful process - students misconstrue assignments, or don't do as well as they expect, or their lives blow up on them... But in the context of the end of this particular academic year, it's all hitting me like more tumult, angst, distress and trouble, and in the end, I feel like I've run out of resources to deal with it productively. I'm no use to anyone at this point.

It feels like I've been in conflict with someone, in some way, every moment I've spent on campus, all year. From the moment I wandered into the general faculty meeting, taking notes in my usual suspicious/paranoid fashion on the official administration line on the state of the university, to the last instant I spent today, in an otherwise perfectly ordinary and amiable meeting - constant, incessant conflict.

I'd be tempted to compare it to a play by Mamet or Pinter, but my pal Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer is coming to visit in a couple weeks, and he hates those guys, so instead, I've chosen to misappropriate Hunter Thompson's line instead.

Thompson gets the last word tonight. In a 1990 interview with William Keen, Thompson replied to the inevitable question about the drug use depicted in his work with inevitable cagey avoidance and cruel insight. His finely tuned sense of rage has helped me through a lot of hard times, as has, I'm fairly ashamed to admit, his heroic fatalism. I quoted this in a paper on the decadence of the professions of journalism and academia, presented at a conference a couple years ago.

Drugs enhance or strengthen my perceptions and reactions, for good or ill. They’ve given me the resilience to withstand repeated shocks to my innocence gland. The brutal reality of politics alone would probably be intolerable without drugs. They’ve given me the strength to deal with those shocking realities guaranteed to shatter anyone’s beliefs in the higher idealistic shibboleths of our time and the “American Century.” Anyone who covers his beat for twenty years – and my beat is “The Death of the American Dream” – needs every goddamned crutch he can find.
As a journalist, I somehow managed to break most of the rules and still succeed. It’s a hard thing for most of today’s journeymen journalists to understand, but only because they can’t do it. The smart ones understood immediately. (Kingdom of Fear, 187)

year in review, part 3

This morning I had an email message with the following subject line:

Tired of staying in a shadow because of your plain watch?

It came from one of those phony email addresses, but this one had the domain name kidshelleens.com

Sums it up, I'd say.

year in review, part 2

A momentous, not to say fucking tortuous, 2008 is coming quickly to a close. Having graded all the papers I can for the moment, and seeing as how I'm waiting for the tomato sauce to simmer a bit longer, I thought I'd take this opportunity to look back on the highlights of the past 12 months. Plus, this is the traditional thing to do, and as everyone knows, I'm a stickler for tradition.

With no further ado...

2008: The Best Of The Year

False modesty aside, January was when I received the Cool People Special Award For Being Really Exzeptionally Cool. My loveliest was quite gracious in her introductory speech, especially since she had to compose herself quickly after having been surprised during the same award ceremony with the Cool People Award For Homina-homina-homina-homina.

We celebrated National Poetry Month in April, along with so many others, by burning copies of chapbooks by Billy Corgan and Billy Collins, and smashing copies of cds of the National Poetry Month celebrity poetry readings, held annually. We also ate crullers, but you knew that.

In May we threw a gala to commemorate the 5th anniversary of V-I (Victory in Iraq) Day, but no one came.

Christina and Guerin were also married in May. We were amongst the bridal party, and the bridal party. Before, during, and after the ceremony, the entirety of the party chanted in various ancient languages to give the occasion a sense of weird cinematic foreboding, but no one seemed to notice. In any case, we were somewhat rewarded for our efforts when the married couple suffered a freak Alpine skiing injury in Venice.

The university caught fire in July, and 23 of the 18 buildings burnt to the ground, only to be rebuilt at exorbitant expense by a private donor.

In October, Alexander and Arthur won the Nobel Prize for their General and Special Theories of Looney Tunes Physics. Unfortunately, they lost all the prize money on the stock market. They have no heads for figures.

November: Of course, we all marveled, and some of us marvel still, at the discovery that the number 3 is actually worth only 2. The economic turmoil aside, it's pretty cool to consider the more cosmic ramifications.

Now here it is, December, in the midst of the conversion of the entire US economy from information-based industry to a bailout-based economy, in which unfettered capitalist competition and the fantastic risk-taking behavior it impels leads to rewards for those willing to engage in the most incredibly insane risks. We're very hopeful that as this transition continues, Alex and Arthur will eventually make us incredibly rich. (Note to Henry Paulson: No, they're not available for consultation.)

year in review, part 1

There be memes for year-in-review posts. I follow one with this post, which has one gather the first lines of each month's first posts from the past year. Here goes:

January

Doc Nagel's Top 100 Things

44. Primary seasons. I just love 'em.

February

I collected Lancelot's remains from the vet's office this afternoon.

March

It's spring here. Neener-neener-neener.

In any case, it's also the time of year when we celebrate a pair of

Doc Nagel's Top 100 Things

April

The kittens now have names. They've also had their first vet visit.

May

My loveliest is off at some sort of bridal brunch kinda thing, so I'm here with the monster kittens (as of this writing, Arthur is in the middle of a freakout session; Alexander is eating us out of house and home) and a stack of papers to grade.

June

At some point, this blog will return to usual programming.

July

One lull later...

Been down to LA and back. We went down to LA for fresh air.

August

I don't want to tip my hand much about the plans for my birthday bash on Saturday.

September

The 2008-2009 academic year begins tomorrow, with a day of long meetings of university, college, and department faculty, when we'll all hear about the wonderful plan CSU has for our lives.

October

Is it just me, or does the constant repetition of "Main Street" in financial bailout nooz irresistibly compel thoughts of the Sinclair Lewis novel?*

November

So, Barack Obama.

And, so far, almost assuredly Yes on Prop 8 in California, denying the right of marriage to same-sex couples just months after the California Supreme Court ruled that such a ban was unconstitutionally prejudicial.

December

Dear Mr. Claus,

As you are no doubt aware, our Governor declared a state fiscal emergency today.