the end of the world - 25 January, 2012

In the days following a predicted date of the end of the world, one is often asked to explain how it is that one mistakenly made such a prediction. This is understandable, and I for one certainly promote critical thinking by all of my followers, but these questions are, in truth, out of order.

First of all, the notion that once the date passes, a prediction is proved "wrong," is so simplistic that it's false.

Last week, I was able to discern that the world would end after the South Carolina Republican Primary, that is, following the "armageddon" of Rick Santorum's campaign, predicted by Newt Gingrich. As I explained, it is physically impossible for truth and Newt Gingrich to co-exist in this universe, and so, if he had spoken the truth about Santorum's demise, our own would follow.

Now that Gingrich has been declared the winner in South Carolina, and Santorum in Iowa, we know that Gingrich's claim was not true. Thus, we and our universe continue to exist. Somewhere, on a little watery planet light-years away, emerging extremely alien life crawling through primeval slime is unspeakably grateful, whereas we continue to bitch.

Anyway, my point is that my so-called prediction was not "wrong," since the events of Saturday followed precisely the course that I had explained. QED. [Original text: "QED, mutherfucker!" - Ed.]

Second, this whole business of calling for accountability for "wrong" predictions fundamentally mistakes what this is all about. Visionaries like myself (if I do say so) are not "predicting," like cheap side-show palm readers or tarot charlatans. We are engaged in an interpretation of the signs that the world and our holy texts present to us, an interpretation of world events in their ultimate significance, and in their ultimate days.

Third, I'm not very good at math. Specifically, algebra. And believe me, there's a lot of algebra involved in interpreting the signs and holy texts. Parsing Revelation requires quadratic equations.

Fourth, it's rude.

I am prepared, today, to announce that the world will meet its final and ultimate doom on Wednesday, the 25th of January, 2012. Classes at Cow State Santa Claus are scheduled to begin on Thursday, 26 January, but obviously, I won't be able to make it.