This is the first in what I hope will be an increasingly irritating series of year in review posts. In this post, I will suggest that 2012 did not actually happen, but was only a series of badly contrived conspiracy theories.
First of all, there was apparently some kind of "election" going on. Oh, yeah, for sure.
Secondly, according to many unreputable sources, "events" happened. Come on. Really?
Then there was that whole thing with the thing and the thing and the guy with the thing. I can hardly believe anybody believed that at all. I, for one, was never duped. I knew the thing and the guy with the thing, and the chick that had the thing over the guy that had the thing with the other thing, was all a bunch of hooey. I mean, seriously, nobody can eat that much molasses.
The world ended, repeatedly, for most of this year. And yet I'm still paying rent. Coincidence? I hardly think so!
Some say it rained. I won't honor that with a response.
Look at where you are, now, as "2012" comes to an end. Remember how you were planning to clean up that garden plot? Remember how you intended to reduce your intake of various comestibles? Remember how you vowed not to think extraordinarily discourteous thoughts about your neighbors? None of that happened. (Damn those neighbors!)
Did you lose weight? Did you make that big career move? Was the best movie of the year actually memorable? Did you finally read Ulysses? Nope.
iPad 3? Same as iPad 2. iPhone 5? Bupkis. How's Facebook treating you? Made a killing in the stock market? How about your Prius?
That's what I thought.
Truthfully, isn't it as if "2012" never happened? Isn't it obvious that this is because "2012" never did happen?