Wednesday, February 08, 2012

the end of the world - 7 February

Some things are abundantly clear, in this world. It is clear, for instance, that the fate of the world is tied to the fate of former senator Rick Santorum. We know this to be true because he tells us so.

In an earlier post, I noted the close connection between Santorum's candidacy for the Republican Presidential Nomination, Newt Gingrich's relationship to truth and falsity, and the ultimate end of everything. Gingrich proposed that the South Carolina primary would be "armageddon" for Santorum, and on that basis, I suggested the possibility that Santorum's defeat in South Carolina would herald the end times.

No such luck.

I have since become more clear in my understanding of Newt Gingrich's relationship to the truth. When he said South Carolina would be "armageddon" for Santorum, he had to be uttering falsehood, because he's Newt Gingrich.

Upon further reflection, it's clear that Gingrich provided us the clue we needed to understand these signs. Since Newt cannot tell the truth, his invocation of "armageddon" in South Carolina, on the grounds that Santorum would lose big (as he did), clearly indicates that the true sign of the final end of all ends will be a Santorum victory.

To sum up: Everything Newt Gingrich says is false. Therefore, when he proclaimed that armageddon would follow Rick Santorum's terrible defeat in the South Carolina primary, the truth of that statement was, really, that armageddon would be presaged by Santorum electoral victories. Since Santorum won in the three non-binding, non-elector-selecting primaries and caucuses Tuesday, it's obvious that those elections indicated the end of the world.

Obviously, this means that any work you've done since then will be unpaid. Sorry.

1 comment:

Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer said...

If nothing else, explains the way I felt when I woke up this morning.