Hire Out Your Emotional Life
The pressures of Big Time Academia have crushed many otherwise happy marriages and relationships.
Your perpetual motion of publishing, conference attending, hustling, and schmoozing will inevitably destroy your soul.
The process is painful and can cause skin irritation.
But you need not suffer, or indeed feel anything at all. The Chronicle of Higher Education, among other trade publications, now offers a convenient classified advertising service, operated on the same principles as telephone personal ads, to match would-be Academic Big Shots to discreet, well trained affective agents.
YOU stomp all over the likes of Richard Rorty, Joe Margolis and Daniel Dennett,
THEY feel the guilt, angst, and yawning spiritual emptiness!